Spiders in My Head

I'm not really sure what normal is anymore. I seem to go in and our of my own realities like a child to an ice cream truck, over and over all day long. Sometimes I can't wait for sleep to come just so it will stop. It's exhausting.

Now paying a professional to listen the woes in my screwed up head, I find myself in a long line of mental paperwork and never ending sessions of  "past gathering." All of this while I fight my way through cobwebs old and new, constantly being spun in my head. At what point do I get to form a fresh thought?  How do people so much worse off than me, survive this?

I can barely stand to be in the company of other's unless it is with purpose; there is no rest or relief in sight. My mind shrieks with thoughts of  retreating full speed in the farthest direction while my body sits serene and calm in the company of others, in order that they might not know my plight.

Maybe that's the key, maybe that's how you keep your sanity through all of this. Maybe that's what everybody else is doing, putting on a pretty face and smiling. I would like to think I am not alone.