Truth

People are often

Unreasonable and self-centered,

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind,

People may accuse you of ulterior motives,

Be kind anyway.

If you are honest,

People may cheat you.

Be honest anyway.

If you find happiness,

People may be jealous.

Be happy anyway.

The good you do today

May be forgotten tomorrow.

Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have,

And it may never be enough.

Give your best, anyway.

For you see, in the end,

It is between you and God.

It was never between you and them anyway.

                                                                                  - Mother Teresa

No More Darkness

The Roman Catholic Church has been embroiled in scandal, shame, and chaos during these last several weeks, following  a Grand Jury Report that made public,  accusations of  alleged sexual misconduct with minor's, by  approximately 300 Priests/Brothers/Deacon's/and Seminarians, in the Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Diocese, during the 1940's - 1990's.

I chose to be a member and raise my children in this Church almost 25 years ago. After the news broke, I selfishly tried to avoid hearing about it or watching it for a day or so until I thought I was ready to handle what was coming out. I found out very quickly that there is no way to prepare yourself to hear or read about behavior that is so egregious and disguisting, it falls to the level of  something worse than pure evil.

There are literally thousands of heart wrenching stories from the people who have been victimized, and they continue to break, as the investigation gets bigger and bigger. Meanwhile, I have come to find that while my head was buried somewhere in the sand in 2002, when something very similar was disclosed in Boston.

In no way would I ever mean to diminish the actual victims, but in some way, all of the members of the Roman Catholic Church have been victimized. How could we feel any differently, if we truly are catholic?

I have been left to make a decision. Where will I go to worship? Who will I support? How do I help?  After some serious contemplation I have come to a decision, at least for now, that is not an easy decision.  This year, I will honor my promise to teach CCD given my prior committment. I will attend Mass every week. I will continue to tithe.

I  cannot allow the wretched and deceitful behavior of these men push me away from my fellow Christians. If I don't stay, I can't hope to make a difference.  I certainly cannot help from the outside. I am committed to do whatever I can to help see that justice is done, and our children can be taught and worship, in a safe healthy enviornment.

Miss You, Don't Miss You

Today I threw out the typewriter.  We have a dumpster at my house. We are trying to prepare to put the house on the market in the next few years, but we have to take babysteps. It's all too hard for my Husband, who built the house with his Father, and the help of a lot of other very good friends and family.

His Father and Mother both passed away within 6 months of each other, last year.  September 21st, will be a year for his Mom. His parents lived a very good and long life. They had a few ups and downs here and there but for the most part life was not only good to them, it was great to them.

My Husband now has finally grown up. He truly knows what loss and sadness are; what having a really responsible job and being the breadwinner mean. What seeing your parents decline and role reversal do to a person. It not easy but all very necessary.

I lost my Dad over 20 years ago and life was never the same for me. You do that whole "new normal"thing but it never feels quite right again...ever. It's not like I expected it too, I just didn't realize it would be such a long hard road.

My Dad died a week after his 61st birthday.  I was lucky to have had him to walk me down the aisle and be Pappy to both of my girls, but it wasn't nearly for long enough. I loved my Dad.  I miss him a lot. Still.

Sometimes I look for him in other family members or men his age. Occasionally I will see a rare glimpse. I think he is still with me. I think he still sees me, and my girls.  I find a lot of dimes.  I think that's his calling card. He used to have a change bag in the bottom drawer of his dresser when I was young, which kept me supplied with whatever pocket change I needed, growning up.  I almost never asked permission.  I just assumed it was mine too. He never complained or even asked me if I had taken some of the change.

There were a lot of things we didn't say out loud, but we had this silent understanding.  The only real time I remember a verbal reprimand from him was when I got caught smoking pot and had to go into the police station (all thanks to my Brother), and made my Mom cry.

It's my Brother's birthday today. He died a few weeks before his 45th birthday.  I'm taking my Mom to dinner tonight.  It's just her and me.  I need to recognize this for my Mom; it's bittersweet for me.  He died  because of a weak heart.  He was a recovering drug addict.

I threw away my typewriter today because even though it was one of the best gifts I have ever received in my entire life, and you surprised me with it at the 50th birthday party you worked so hard to have for me, I miss you, but I don't miss you.